i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
