i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
