I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
