Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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