seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
