i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
