Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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