Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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