I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
