Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
