it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
In America we eat man semen.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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