there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
