also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize