Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
