Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish I only lived at night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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