We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I party with great urgency now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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