Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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