It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize