Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
