me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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