she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
