how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize