NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize