Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
