I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
