I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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