And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
