his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
