I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
