maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
