Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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