i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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