i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
