Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
