well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
