Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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