I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
