I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
