sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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