She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
