either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
