you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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