I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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