some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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