He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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