Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
