she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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