Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
