In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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