Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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