I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
