you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
