It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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