Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
