she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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