One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
