Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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