Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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