Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
