There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
