Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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