I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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