A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
