So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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