So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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