tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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