just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
