i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize